Monday, June 28, 2010

Facing Your Fears

A few months ago, our minister preached on “Facing Your Fears” with one whole sermon devoted to “Failure”.

Oddly enough, the many times I have been asked “What is your greatest fear?” The one thing that seemed to smother all other miniscule fears I may have, was and still is to some extent my fear of failure. Call it oldest child syndrome, call it my need for perfection, call it what you like. My fear of failure has always played a major role in choices and decisions that I have made through out my life.

You see, I often thought about what my life was supposed to be like, what kind of daughter/sister/mom/wife/friend I am “supposed” to be, with out regard to my own needs or happiness. I just kind of molded to be what I “thought” I was supposed to do/be. As I sat and listened to this sermon, tears flowed. You see that is me, taking two steps out of the boat and then realizing that I am standing on water, freaking out, and turning tail to jump back into that boat.

It is no secret that I have control issues, you know the kind where I freak out if I am not in control. If there is a wrench thrown into my plans, it takes very little to stress me out beyond belief! It is a process I am working on, and it is so much easier to work on that if I am honest with people around me. The first step is admitting you have a problem, right? Hi, I am Megan, I have control issues. Daily I ask God to guide me, show me, and point me the direction I need to go.

It came as no surprise to me that Matt was going to tell me to step out of the boat, and which his advice would be to step out and fully trust that God would do what I asked of him. Matt even said it is ok to sink; it is ok to begin to drown even. He then said the one part that will stick with me forever; sometimes you have to begin to sink before you will give it all up fully to Him. He also said the first couple of steps are the easiest, it’s the third, fourth, fifth steps that are harder. Then slowly you see that each step gets easier and easier.

So, my fear of failure, yeah, it’s still lingering around and probably will be for a while, but I am taking steps – one day at a time – to move forward. Knowing this time, He is holding me, guiding me, and showing me the way. I will not drown, I will not sink.

Ironically, after typing all of this using water as a metaphor – my second biggest fear… drowning! Go figure. What, or who has guided you in some of the most important decisions of your life? Do you look back on some of your decisions that seemed insignificant at the time, and realize later that those were some pretty important choices? What are your fears?


Catherine said...

Oh my goodness, I can't believe what I just read on your blog considering I just read a chapter about control in my Beth Moore book I'm reading. Crazy! :) Have you read her new book? It's called So Long Insecurity. Making me realize A LOT about myself. I'm right there with you. I am WAY too hard on myself too. When are we gonna learn?! :)